It being the same thing I've done with journals for as long as I can remember. Write one day, write the next, maybe write the next, and.... nothing. After a long hiatus the next entry normally begins with me bumbling over how I always do this, how I shouldn't, how this, how that.
Not this time! I've been trying this new thing where I don't apologize for every. single. thing.
I'd like to think this is me growing up. Accepting who I am. Realizing there are things I can change (saying "sorry!" to everything) and things that may never change (writing consistently).
I recently realized that I'm crazy afraid of failure. It may sound ridiculous, because it is, but I think it's a big reason why it's hard for me to stay committed to writing. I'm afraid that it's not good enough, not perfect. Then I have to ask myself- who is demanding this 'perfection' of me? Turns out it's really just the (wo)man in the mirror.
I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to be the only thing holding me back.
I want to dream. I want to write. I want to learn another language. I want to capture beautiful moments. I want to dance. I want to feel full and alive. And honestly, I want to fail. To fail often and fail big. Failing will mean I've tried. And if I've put my heart into something- well, I shouldn't view that as failure. Not at all.
“If you and I are truly living in the Master’s footsteps, we too must be willing to risk apparent failure in the eyes of this world; and, harder still, must often be content to be misunderstood by our fellow Christians. It is only when we have learned the faith and obedience which leave all consequences with God, that we can know the power and deep joy contained in these words, that once sounded so terrible – ‘I am crucified with Christ’.”
ReplyDeletei feel ya c-shallow.
sometimes the fear of failure can be crippling.
we are our own worst critics, fo sho.
we need to catch up soon.
love you bffdos
You have a beautiful heart Crys. Don't fear the feeling of fear and don't avoid it. Embrace it instead- let it wash over you completely- and then choose to rise above it. Let it shape who you are. I think the secret is not beating fear and living in it's absence, but learning to live in the midst of it and still reach beyond it. Love you babe. You were born to do great things. And you will. :)
ReplyDelete-Ashley